As Summer has officially drawn to a close, I feel compelled to document a few things I have spoke or overheard throughout the course of the season. I call them brand new sentences. The words are familiar but in my opinion have never been arranged in quite this order before.
- That's not a baby. That's a thermostat.
- Bang! Bang! Bang! Ricochet Rabbit has a cousin!
- Nevermind, it's probably just poop.
- It's either Jello or dog vomit; I'll take care of it after lunch.
- No, it's not a hat, it's breakfast.
- Because pigs don't have eyebrows!
- Just because your brother is wearing Hannah Montana sunglasses does not make him Lady Gaga's dad.
- We have never smeared poopie in this house and we will certainly not start today!
- or maybe chocolate donut wall paper?
- Anything you stick up your nose at the doctor's office, you get to keep!
- "I think it came off my Barbie." "Then why is it gooey?" "Oops. Nevermind."
... and my favorite
- Quit ruining it with smiley faces!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Perspective
My husband and I went out Saturday night for our anniversary date. It's actually the first time we hired a baby sitter and one of the few times we've gone out without the two kids. My allergies were in over drive so I took two non-drowsy tablets before heading out. I wanted a good steak so we went to one of our favorite restaurants. (We normally can't afford it.) Joe's steak was over cooked and tough. The second steak they gave him nearly 20 minutes later was undercooked and lacked flavor. I have never tasted actual wallpaper paste, but I'm sure it would have the consistency and flavor as my garlic mashed potatoes. My mojito was good but other than that, dinner was a wreck.
We didn't find any movies we wanted to see so we decided to play miniature golf. It was a warm night with a cool breeze; perfect for some putt-putt. We got so lost that by the time we found the coarse, it was closed. After more driving around, Joe suggested we go walk around the big Wal-Mart the next town over. I told him I couldn't possibly cruise the Wal-Mart on our big night out. On our way to Wal-Mart, I stopped to get an iced coffee. I had been so tired, I nearly fell asleep during dinner. We paid for the iced coffee and then the cashier informed us it would be another 10 minutes; they were out.
The Wal-Mart was in the middle of putting new floors in and the whole store was loud and torn up. We left. On the way home, I apologized to Joe for being so sleepy and asked him to drive. I told him I took two of the non-drowsy allergy pills before we left. He informed me that we didn't have non-drowsy allergy pills. Mystery solved. Pulling in the driveway I thought the night was a total bust. When I walked in the house I noticed it was still standing, the kids were safe, and there were no missing beers in the fridge.
The next morning I saw a mound of dishes in my sink, overflowing laundry hampers and quickly became frustrated. Then I realized the dirty dishes meant we had food to eat. The piles of laundry meant I have a big, active family. I went from being frustrated to being very thankful.
"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you will also appear with him in glory."
Colossians 3:1-4
We didn't find any movies we wanted to see so we decided to play miniature golf. It was a warm night with a cool breeze; perfect for some putt-putt. We got so lost that by the time we found the coarse, it was closed. After more driving around, Joe suggested we go walk around the big Wal-Mart the next town over. I told him I couldn't possibly cruise the Wal-Mart on our big night out. On our way to Wal-Mart, I stopped to get an iced coffee. I had been so tired, I nearly fell asleep during dinner. We paid for the iced coffee and then the cashier informed us it would be another 10 minutes; they were out.
The Wal-Mart was in the middle of putting new floors in and the whole store was loud and torn up. We left. On the way home, I apologized to Joe for being so sleepy and asked him to drive. I told him I took two of the non-drowsy allergy pills before we left. He informed me that we didn't have non-drowsy allergy pills. Mystery solved. Pulling in the driveway I thought the night was a total bust. When I walked in the house I noticed it was still standing, the kids were safe, and there were no missing beers in the fridge.
The next morning I saw a mound of dishes in my sink, overflowing laundry hampers and quickly became frustrated. Then I realized the dirty dishes meant we had food to eat. The piles of laundry meant I have a big, active family. I went from being frustrated to being very thankful.
"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you will also appear with him in glory."
Colossians 3:1-4
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Walk softly and carry a big stick...
It may be time to for a dramatic shift in power. It seems as if my stifled dictatorship is no longer effective. Maybe, dare I say, a democracy should evolve? Thanks to a new prescription, I've gained a little clarity in the ol' noggin and some perspective on the world. My world. I am beginning to decipher what is age appropriate, husband and wife appropriate, and overall what-can-be-accepted-as-the-norm.
Somewhere in this clarity I've realized the people we are most likely to clash with are those who we are most alike. In my rule as an iron fist dictator, all in the name of love of coarse, I've come to see that I have created a 6 year old daughter who is just like me. She stands firm in her belief, one of which she rules the roost. Uh oh. I've read some books, compared notes with friends and I remain calm most of the time. I just need to figure how to prove my point while teaching a good lesson and not an example of power.
A quick list from the most active part of my brain right now, the things I will pray about and work on this week, and when given the opportunity, practice:
Patience
Understanding
Compassion
Peace
Consistency
Nurturing
Teaching
Being an example.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Somewhere in this clarity I've realized the people we are most likely to clash with are those who we are most alike. In my rule as an iron fist dictator, all in the name of love of coarse, I've come to see that I have created a 6 year old daughter who is just like me. She stands firm in her belief, one of which she rules the roost. Uh oh. I've read some books, compared notes with friends and I remain calm most of the time. I just need to figure how to prove my point while teaching a good lesson and not an example of power.
A quick list from the most active part of my brain right now, the things I will pray about and work on this week, and when given the opportunity, practice:
Patience
Understanding
Compassion
Peace
Consistency
Nurturing
Teaching
Being an example.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Friday, June 18, 2010
Yes, I fed the dog.
My bath-towel is not communal.
My sweatshirt is not a Kleenex.
My purse is not a candy machine or an ATM.
My new perfume is half empty.
My toothbrush smells funny.
By the time everyone is settled at the table, my dinner is cold.
First to wake, last to sleep.
I've caught throw-up in my bare hand.
I comb hair, wipe butts, scrub feet, scramble eggs endlessly.
I kiss owies all better.
I know where your wallet is, your glasses, your back pack, shoes, sippy cup, and most favorite polka dot headband in the whole wide world.
I'm squishy. My feet hurt. I trim my own hair.
I'm the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, and party planner.
I am comfortably settled in this little niche in a great big world.
Never imagined.
Never expected.
Never trade.
My sweatshirt is not a Kleenex.
My purse is not a candy machine or an ATM.
My new perfume is half empty.
My toothbrush smells funny.
By the time everyone is settled at the table, my dinner is cold.
First to wake, last to sleep.
I've caught throw-up in my bare hand.
I comb hair, wipe butts, scrub feet, scramble eggs endlessly.
I kiss owies all better.
I know where your wallet is, your glasses, your back pack, shoes, sippy cup, and most favorite polka dot headband in the whole wide world.
I'm squishy. My feet hurt. I trim my own hair.
I'm the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, and party planner.
I am comfortably settled in this little niche in a great big world.
Never imagined.
Never expected.
Never trade.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Network Nonsense
I’m not sure why I turned on one of those agonizingly long national morning shows today. Maybe I needed some outdated news, or vague regional weather reports. As I sat there watching the different segments, I realized something; either they are seriously out of touch with reality or I am genuinely in trouble.
Let’s start with the daddy and son fashion. Dad is sporting a $300 seersucker blazer, mint green gingham shirt, and some rolled up khaki pants with $200 boat shoes. What? My dad has never worn that. The father of my kids would never wear that. I’m not sure where we would even buy that! How about the 3-year-old wearing $80 Ed Hardy jeans, $40 Vans slip-ons, and a $75 Gap jacket, all of which he will outgrow in three to six months.
50 and fired. What to do when you’re nearing retirement age and lose you your job. You could take a year off, complete your My Name Is Earl list, righting all your wrongs; and then spend the next year scribing your memoires. How about taking the six-figure severance pay and starting your own business making anti-aging pillow cases? In my circle, if you’re 50 and suddenly jobless, you apply for a greeter job at Wal-Mart. You wipe tables and sweep the parking lot at McDonald’s.
I’m sounding a little complainy. I have the summer time blues. It’s a third of the way through June and my back yard is a swamp. The power went out for a little bit yesterday. The roses I planted three weeks ago are all dead. I need some sunshine. Badly. My tomato plants need some sunshine. I was put on a second medication, a mood stabilizer. Just a small, starter dose, but I can feel the effects. My outbursts of seeming rage have filtered down to really angry. Not as often, though. My outlook is good. My attitude is improving. Still need some sunshine.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Let's Begin
To say I'm getting lost in the day to day would be a stark understatement. I feel as if my mind is beginning to play tricks on me; it can't be a "disorder" as my doctor has told me. But I take my pills, make my coffee, discipline my kids, and pray. Hard. Tearfully at times. I can bury myself in the dirty clothes to clean, the soap scum to scrub, and the plants to plant. When everyday runs together it gets easy to become fiercely numb. It's like I'm on the outside, looking in at one of those car accidents on the highway. Slow motion, noticing the faces of the victims, the witnesses, the people standing on the shoulder wishing they could help.
Tomorrow is a new day. I'll have a few drinks tonight and hope I can stay asleep til morning. I have a few errands to run. No money in the bank so it should be a quick trip. The sun is supposed to make an appearance soon, this month, perhaps. I'm not holding my breath.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills. My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121:1,2
Tomorrow is a new day. I'll have a few drinks tonight and hope I can stay asleep til morning. I have a few errands to run. No money in the bank so it should be a quick trip. The sun is supposed to make an appearance soon, this month, perhaps. I'm not holding my breath.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills. My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121:1,2
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